Tip 6: Feelings are Friends!

Tip 6, Mid Month Mini Tip: Feelings are Friends! (14th May 2012) Here's an extra tip, from Focusing. This subtle approach to our inner world gives us wonderful insights into communication and mindfulness. Two opportunities to learn more about Focusing:  A day's introductory workshop in London (Saturday 26th May) For more details and booking click here Focusing Retreat in Sardinia (Fri 29th June - Sat 7th July 2012) For more details and booking click here  (Just one place left...!) Tip: Feelings are like friends... they tell us things. Above all, they let us know what it is we need to be happy and fulfilled.  Yet feelings often begin by telling us what they don't want or don'tlike. This may not make it easy for us to hear them. Listening to what our feelings are saying is an art. Remember: In order to hear the friendly message of your feelings, you need to turn towards them. Say 'hello' - acknowledge them, just as they are.  And if this is already familiar to you, why not go one step further? When you turn towards your feelings, it may help to ask:  What do your feelings want from you?  How would those feelings like you to be with them?  What sort of awareness or attention do they want?  Is it even alright to say 'hello' to them, right now? In this way, we take care of our 'feelings about our feelings'. We become bigger inside, and more subtle - because we take in, and acknowledge, the whole of our response.  Benefits: What grows with this approach is natural kindness. Our sensitivity and respect flow more easily - not just for ourselves, in own inner world, but for others too.

Tip 5: If you want to hear ‘Yes!’ – encourage a ‘No!’

Tip 5: If you want to hear ‘Yes!’ – encourage a ‘No!’ 

Tip:

People are at their most open and willing when they know that they genuinely have a choice in what they do. You can actually help people to feel responsive, and to arrive willingly at their own decision, by giving them the option of not doing what you want – and a chance to say why.

Remember:

Leave an Open Door! That is, be very clear about what you want, and what you are asking. And then be equally clear that the other person has a choice. Give them a chance to come up with other suggestions – including a ‘No’.  Leave the door open for them to respond as they would genuinely like.

This may sound counter-intuitive... Surely I’d be crazy to actively encourage a No, when I want something done! 


In fact, the opposite applies. 

When you know what you want and need yourself, and you are able to turn mindfully towards other (perhaps unknown) options, then you are naturally in a position of strength. You can make your request with calm and confidence, knowing you are open to the outcome.

Benefits:

• You stand on your own ground firmly – but include others
• You actively demonstrate respect and consideration
• You know you are making a request, not a demand
• You include other people’s perspectives in your solution
• There may be better options you haven’t thought of – and you can discover them
• People feel respected and valued (because they are) 
• People grow more empowered and effective
• Creative negotiation space may open up unexpectedly
• Underlying opposition comes to light early on
• You trust that others are genuinely okay with your request 
• Your confidence in the outcome grows