There are always two perspectives (at least!) in a conversation. So check in with your own perspective as you communicate-and take time to do the same for the other person. Communication suffers if we miss either one of them out.
Remember: It helps other people to know where you are coming from. They are less likely to leap to conclusions about your motives, and will feel more able to engage with you. So allow yourself space to know your own feelings, needs, wishes and intentions, as best you can.
Doing this for yourself also gives you more resources to do the same for the other person. Once you have made room for your own perspective, it's easier to do that for others without feeling overwhelmed, cross or anxious yourself. Don't expect yourself to be telepathic, just pause a moment to remember, imagine or guess where that person may be in their inner world. They too have feelings and needs which are causing them to speak or act as they are.
Communication is like 'deep democracy'*. Even one person taking in both perspectives will make a difference to the situation overall.
Benefits: - We tune into the whole of a situation more quickly
- Others respect us, and feel respected themselves
- Conversations take less time and are more effective
- Trust grows as people feel taken into account
- We include ourselves realistically in the outcome
- We feel better knowing those around us are also okay
- We solve difficulties and negotiate more smoothly
*Deep Democracy is a term coined by Arnold Mindell, and describes a process through which individuals and communities may have a voice on a collective level: 'It is a principle that makes space for the speakable, the barely speakable and the unspeakable.' See:http://www.deepdemocracymovement.net/ |
